I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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