she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Randomize
