Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Randomize
