So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
