At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
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