we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Randomize
