We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
