Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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