I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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