she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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