I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
