i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
