So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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