I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
