apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I cut my penus on the lid.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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