Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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