oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
