Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
What a dumb baby whore.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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