I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
