I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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