Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
