Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
