oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
