I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
