She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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