I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Randomize
