I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
