He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
His hands were made for my vagina.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
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