please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
