Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
