Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
