i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
