party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
