I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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