There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
