I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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