i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize