im gay
i know
yea but for you.
why do cheetos always look like penises
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
