Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
