So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
3 2 1 whiskey
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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