He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
