dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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