I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
