well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
