I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
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