I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
