My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
True strength comes from lack of pants
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
