I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I'm passing your future prison.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Randomize
