Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
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