This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Randomize
