Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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