she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
