I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
