apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
