I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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