I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
