Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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