the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
