I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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